I Can’t Think

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I had to do a very short presentation type thing at work recently. Above are some of the notes I made. As I was preparing for it the night before… (I always prepare for things the night before so as to create the maximum amount of anxiety)… I realised that my capacity to learn stuff has dropped off a cliff. It’s about five years since I last did any kind of formal studying but it feels like, since then, my brain has evaporated. You know when you leave something in the microwave too long and it shrivels up into a dry, crumbly, useless piece of shit? That’s my brain.

Actually I don’t think it’s anything to do with a reduction in brain cells. I still have the same number of brain cells that I had five years ago (about nine). It’s more to do with an increase in anxiety. I’m even more anxious now than I was then about getting it right!! How can that be?! Surely I’m supposed to be getting more confident as I get older not less!! Well, basically… nope! This time next year I fully expect to be drooling and slumped in a chair clutching a puzzle compendium. The question is… why?!

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2 thoughts on “I Can’t Think

  1. I have had times when writing when I felt that my head was literally full of cotton. I could not compose so much as a three word sentence. Terrifying.
    The main cause was anxiety. I was trying to push through, working to a deadline. The harder I pushed, the more resistance I encountered. Until total gridlock was achieved.
    I haven’t had any really bad spells like that for years. I’ve found ways around the blocks.
    How did the final presentation go down at work, anyhow? Was it well received? Or did your boss scour you with a look of disgust?

    Like

    1. It went ok thanks. For me it’s the lead up to things that’s the worst. The craziest thing about it is, it’s fear of fear rather than fear of the thing itself. The temptation is to give up fighting it and just try to avoid it.

      Liked by 1 person

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