Today I’m going to the place on this photograph. I read that Leonardo Di Caprio recently went there and happily displayed his new middle-age spread for photographers. If it’s good enough for him, it’s good enough for me. In fact, I’ve lost almost a stone in weight thanks to running and starving myself to the point of insanity. So I will feel confident disrobing on the beach and won’t have to wear duffel coat and wellies after all.
Of course, I intend to be heavily sedated for most of the trip. I will be drinking a large amount during the holiday as intense heat makes you very thirsty. We fly out of Manchester at 10pm. If you want to share my drunken pleasure follow me on Twitter or Facebook or one of those kind of things. Don’t try burgling my house while I’m away because I’ve rigged up many death traps and… well, I don’t have anything worth stealing. See you when I come back. If I come back.