Dinner’s back! And this time it’s personal

I spent most of the night on Thursday and some of Friday doing the activity symbolised in the above illustration. It’s my least favourite thing to do in the world, even worse than watching Dancing On Ice. It just feels like all your natural processes are working backwards. That particular route is a one way street as far as I’m concerned. When something tries to stop and reverse back up or, worse still, sit in the carpark at the bottom for three hours before doing a U-turn and driving back up the wrong way… it doesn’t feel great.

I loathe that gradual build-up of unease you get in your guts about half an hour before the big moment. You just know there’s no way out; no going back to sleep for you! Your body just works slowly towards its natural crescendo. When it comes every muscle in your body is clenched; it must be the best work-out I’ve had for ages. And there’s no way to do it quietly; I don’t know why I feel like I have to emit a sort of strangulated yodel while I’m expelling the dodgy stuff. I tell myself to keep the noise down when the next eruption comes but every time I have to do the usual imitation of Captain Caveman with his balls trapped in a fridge door.

The five or ten minutes after the impact feels like heaven. Lying there with my head in the plastic measuring jug (ideal for the job actually because my nose slotted perfectly into the little pouring spout bit) I would have signed up to anything just to avoid that abomination ever happening again. But half an hour later the slow build-up would begin again like endless, unavoidable series of The X Factor circling again and again.

I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. And I haven’t even mentioned the worst aspect of the experience yet; the most dreaded event of all; the horror of horrors…. If I just say the phrase “both ends”, you’ll know exactly what I mean.


Orange man hitches a ride in Orange Polo


He was totally colour–coordinated for his trip in Orange Polo. Orange man had been spotted earlier in the day behaving suspiciously and following people in the Runcorn area of Cheshire, England. I asked him why he was doing this and whether he saw any future in this kind of behaviour. He said he thought that the future was bright, the future was….




Right from the opening scene where the cops pursue someone across rooftops Vertigo oozes Hitchcock. It’s maybe the most Hitchcock of all the Hitchcocks. Apparently, when it first came out in the late fifties it wasn’t very well thought of and it’s only over decades that it has come to be seen as one of the director’s best. I definitely agree.

The whole thing looks beautiful especially the scenes on location in San Francisco. The usual feeling of suspense is there in spades; only Hitch can make a bloke driving round, slowly, in a car, feel tense. James Stewart pulls of his brilliant everyman turn but also adds a deeper, more passionate side. Kim Novak looks stunning. Bernard Herrman’s music is awesome.

On the debit side, Kim Novak looks stunning and her acting is also stunning; stunningly bad. The scene where she gets fished out of San Francisco…

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Debenhams Cafe on the bottom floor. From the top floor.

This was taken from where they throw the currants into the scone mixture. Sorry about the rubbish photo quality but I forgot to put my memory card in my camera when we went to Liverpool on Sunday and so had to use my phone camera all day. Also realised when I got home that I’d had my phone cam set on the most rubbish specs possible. And then there was that bus!

Why not get the bus?

Went on the bus today. Left Orange Polo at home. Caught the 79C from Widnes to Liverpool and then later on the 82A from Liverpool to Widnes. On the way there, there were five winos occupying the back end of the bus; shouting and arsing about. They smelled like rotting gerbils. The bus soon filled up so that there weren’t enough seats for everyone. On the way back someone had put their feet up on the seats and left soil there. The floor was sticky with orange juice. There was a lad who tried to get on using a train ticket and refused to get off when the driver challenged him. It cost £4.60. Going in the car next week.