Tonight we celebrated Guy Fawkes Night in England by setting off a large number of fireworks costing thousands of pounds which would otherwise only have been wasted on schools and hospitals. Here in Runcorn, Cheshire, we all headed for the banks of the River Mersey to stare up at the night sky and say “ooooooh!” a lot whilst rubbing up against hoodies.
Nobody mentioned the fact that we were commemorating a bloke who tried to blow up the seat of democracy in our country; a terrorist, basically. People seemed unconcerned by this but when a street vendor tried to charge £5 for a bulb-operated light sabre they tried to gouge out his eyes.
I’m being a bit sneery about it but actually it was a really spectacular and enjoyable night. Halton Borough Council (my munificent employer) laid on the bash for free and it was the best fireworks display since 1605 (that’s just gone 4 o’clock).