I really envy people who have a home town to be proud of. New York for example; who can blame Woody Allen for banging on about how wonderful it is in every film he makes? I come from Halton which is an amalgamation of two towns, Runcorn and Widnes, each one located on opposite sides of the River Mersey in North West England. I was born and raised in Runcorn but have also lived in Widnes. There are some really nice parts of Halton of course but one feature which you notice the moment you enter this borough is the one shown on the photo above.
It is a huge, vast, monumental, scrap yard made up from bits of old cars, corrugated iron, and just about every other kind of scrap metal you can think of. It is the biggest eyesore you could possibly imagine. Its breath-taking size beggars belief. The stuff at the centre of this thing must have been put there in about 1953! There could be entire subterranean tribes living inside it!
And what possible use could it be? Evidently there’s no use that the scrap can be put to because the pile just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Apparently the local council have repeatedly tried to force the owner to remove this gigantic monstrosity but he stubbornly refuses. So this thing remains the first impression all visitors get of my home. Because Halton isn’t that big of a place, this enormous mountain dominates the landscape in every direction. How the hell they ever manage to put any new scrap on top of it is beyond me because no-one can reach the summit! The slogan that the local authority has attached to the borough in its marketing is ‘It’s all happening in Halton’ but I think this should be changed to ‘Halton – the biggest pile of crap you’ll ever see’.
Do you feel proud of your home town? If not, what do you hate most about it? Your answers might help make me feel better about the place where I live. Leave a comment in the box below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
There is one redeeming feature of this whopping great carbuncle… its just about visible on my photo if you look carefully. In a bold move, someone has managed to scale the North face of Crap Mountain and stuck a little England flag into the highest peak. Makes you proud doesn’t it? No.